we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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