It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
