is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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