i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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