I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My penis needs a shock collar
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
