Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
