I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
