lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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