someone get that fucking seahorse.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
