operation have a gay friend backfired
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
