he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
