My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize