he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
