Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
