Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
