hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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