help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
