So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
