you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
