This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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