If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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