it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize