he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
