That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
