sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
