I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
