Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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