What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
