Say something about gay babies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize