i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
