peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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