I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize