i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
