I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
