But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
