I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I have vodka in my lungs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
