My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
