tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
