I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
