Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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