Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
