so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
