i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well you can't waste a boner
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
