So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
