Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
