Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
