So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
