in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
