woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
