oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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