Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We just shotgunned beers for America
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A bitchslap is in order.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
