17 year olds will be the death of me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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