Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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