I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
