TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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