They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
