Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
