I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
