please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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