I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
