i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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