i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
