I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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