i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
