Tell her she can't have a vagina
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
