maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
