did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
