I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
