I think my fart just growled at me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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