Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
